How to Move On: Getting Over a Crush on Your Best Friend

Having a crush on your best friend is a surprisingly common experience. You already have a strong connection, shared interests, and deep affection for them, which can easily blur the lines between friendship and romantic love. However, unrequited feelings, or even the fear of jeopardizing a valuable friendship, can make this situation incredibly painful. The good news is that it’s absolutely possible to get over a crush on your best friend while preserving the friendship (if that’s what you both want). It takes time, self-awareness, and deliberate effort, but you can navigate this tricky terrain successfully. This comprehensive guide will walk you through the steps needed to move on and find peace.

## Understanding Your Feelings

Before you can begin the process of moving on, it’s essential to understand the nature of your feelings and the potential reasons behind them. Take some time for introspection and honest self-assessment.

**1. Acknowledge and Accept Your Feelings:** The first step is always acknowledging that you have a crush. Don’t try to suppress or deny your emotions. It’s perfectly normal to develop romantic feelings for someone you’re close to. Ignoring your feelings will only prolong the healing process. Say to yourself, “I have a crush on my best friend, and that’s okay.”

**2. Identify the Source of Your Attraction:** What specifically attracts you to your best friend? Is it their personality, their humor, their shared values, their physical appearance, or a combination of factors? Identifying the roots of your attraction can help you understand your own needs and desires. Are you looking for someone who is kind, supportive, and shares your hobbies? Or are you drawn to their sense of adventure and spontaneity? Once you know what you’re looking for, you can start to recognize these qualities in other people, expanding your dating pool and reducing the focus on your best friend.

**3. Differentiate Between Friendship and Romantic Love:** What are the key differences between your feelings of friendship and romantic love for this person? Is it simply a deeper level of affection, or do you also experience feelings of longing, jealousy, and a desire for physical intimacy? Understanding the nuances of your emotions can help you manage your expectations and avoid misinterpreting their actions or words. Friendship is built on mutual respect, trust, and shared experiences. Romantic love often includes elements of passion, exclusivity, and a desire for a future together. Are you confusing a deep friendship with romantic compatibility?

**4. Consider the Potential Consequences:** Before you make any drastic decisions, carefully consider the potential consequences of acting on your feelings. What would happen to your friendship if you confessed your feelings and they didn’t reciprocate them? Would you be able to maintain a healthy, platonic relationship? Are you prepared for the possibility of rejection and the potential awkwardness that might follow? It’s also important to consider what you would gain if your feelings were reciprocated. Would a romantic relationship enhance your lives, or would it introduce new challenges and complexities? Weighing the pros and cons can help you make an informed decision about how to proceed.

**5. Journal Your Thoughts and Feelings:** Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be incredibly therapeutic. It allows you to process your emotions in a safe and private space, gain clarity, and identify recurring patterns. Don’t censor yourself – just let your thoughts flow freely. You might be surprised at what you discover. Consider these prompts:
* What are my hopes and fears regarding this situation?
* What am I truly seeking in a romantic relationship?
* What are my best friend’s qualities that I admire?
* What are my best friend’s qualities that might make us incompatible as a couple?

## Creating Distance (If Necessary)

One of the most effective ways to get over a crush is to create some distance, both physically and emotionally. This doesn’t necessarily mean ending the friendship altogether, but it does mean taking a step back to allow yourself space to heal and move on.

**1. Reduce Contact:** This is perhaps the most challenging, but also the most crucial, step. Gradually reduce the amount of time you spend with your best friend. Limit your phone calls, text messages, and social media interactions. Avoid situations where you’re likely to be alone together or engaging in activities that might intensify your feelings. The goal is to create a buffer between you and your crush, allowing your emotions to subside. Explain that you are very busy with your other commitments and work so you won’t raise their suspicion. If they ask if something is wrong, you can mention you’re taking some time for yourself to focus on personal growth.

**2. Set Boundaries:** Establish clear boundaries in your interactions. Avoid topics that might trigger your feelings, such as their dating life or relationship advice. Refrain from engaging in physical touch or flirtatious behavior. Be mindful of your own body language and avoid sending mixed signals. Boundaries are essential for protecting your emotional well-being and preventing the friendship from becoming too intense. If they are dating someone, you can gently remind yourself to stay away from anything that could interfere in their relationship.

**3. Spend Time with Other People:** One of the best ways to take your mind off your crush is to invest time in other relationships. Reconnect with old friends, make new acquaintances, and participate in group activities. Surrounding yourself with positive and supportive people can help you feel less isolated and remind you that your happiness doesn’t depend on one person. This also allows you to see other people in a different light, potentially opening you up to new romantic interests.

**4. Avoid Romanticizing the Friendship:** It’s easy to idealize the friendship and imagine what a romantic relationship would be like. However, this can keep you stuck in a cycle of longing and disappointment. Remind yourself of the realities of the friendship, both the good and the bad. Acknowledge any potential incompatibilities or challenges that might arise in a romantic relationship. This will help you ground yourself in reality and reduce the temptation to fantasize. Think about the times your friend has annoyed you or when you’ve disagreed on important issues. Focus on these aspects to break the romanticized view you might have.

**5. Unfollow or Mute on Social Media (Temporarily):** Social media can be a constant reminder of your crush, especially if they frequently post updates about their life. Consider unfollowing or muting their profile temporarily to avoid seeing their posts and stories. This will help you create more emotional distance and reduce the temptation to obsess over their online activities. You don’t have to completely remove them from your social media, but limiting their presence on your feed can make a significant difference. After you feel you are doing better with your feelings, you can choose to follow them again or keep them muted.

## Shifting Your Focus

To truly move on from your crush, you need to shift your focus away from your best friend and towards yourself and other aspects of your life.

**1. Pursue Your Passions and Hobbies:** Dedicate time to activities that you enjoy and that bring you joy. Whether it’s painting, writing, playing music, hiking, or volunteering, engaging in your passions can boost your mood, increase your self-esteem, and provide a healthy distraction from your romantic feelings. This is a great way to rediscover yourself and reconnect with what truly matters to you. Join a club or take a class related to your interests. This will not only keep you busy but also introduce you to new people who share your passions.

**2. Set New Goals:** Setting personal and professional goals can give you a sense of purpose and direction. What do you want to achieve in your career, your education, or your personal life? Setting ambitious but achievable goals can motivate you to focus on your own growth and development, reducing the focus on your crush. Break down your goals into smaller, manageable steps and celebrate your progress along the way. Write down your goals and create a plan of action. Review your goals regularly and make adjustments as needed.

**3. Practice Self-Care:** Taking care of your physical and mental health is essential for overall well-being. Make sure you’re getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, exercising regularly, and practicing relaxation techniques such as meditation or yoga. Self-care is not selfish; it’s a necessary investment in your own happiness and resilience. Treat yourself to a spa day, take a relaxing bath, or read a good book. Prioritize activities that make you feel good and help you recharge. Develop a self-care routine and stick to it as much as possible.

**4. Explore New Interests:** Stepping outside of your comfort zone and trying new things can be a great way to expand your horizons and meet new people. Take a cooking class, learn a new language, or join a hiking group. Exploring new interests can help you discover hidden talents and passions, boost your confidence, and create new opportunities for connection. Research local events and activities in your area. Don’t be afraid to try something completely different from what you usually do.

**5. Practice Gratitude:** Cultivating gratitude can shift your perspective from what you lack to what you have. Take time each day to reflect on the things you’re grateful for, whether it’s your health, your family, your friends, or your opportunities. Practicing gratitude can boost your mood, reduce stress, and increase your overall sense of well-being. Keep a gratitude journal and write down three things you’re grateful for each day. Share your gratitude with others and express appreciation for their kindness and support.

## Evaluating the Friendship

While getting over a crush is your primary goal, it’s also important to evaluate the friendship itself. Is it a healthy and balanced relationship, or is it contributing to your emotional distress?

**1. Assess the Balance of the Friendship:** Is the friendship reciprocal and mutually supportive, or is it one-sided? Do you feel like you’re constantly giving more than you’re receiving? A healthy friendship should be based on mutual respect, trust, and equal effort. If you feel like you’re always the one initiating contact, offering support, or making sacrifices, it might be a sign that the friendship is unbalanced. Reflect on past interactions and identify patterns of behavior. Are there recurring themes of imbalance or inequality?

**2. Identify Any Red Flags:** Are there any aspects of the friendship that are unhealthy or detrimental to your well-being? Does your best friend constantly put you down, make you feel insecure, or disrespect your boundaries? A toxic friendship can be incredibly damaging to your self-esteem and emotional health. Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with your best friend. Do you feel energized and uplifted, or drained and depleted? Trust your gut instinct and be honest with yourself about the health of the friendship.

**3. Consider Whether You Can Be “Just Friends”:** Are you able to genuinely enjoy the friendship without harboring romantic feelings or expectations? Can you be happy for your best friend if they find love with someone else? If you can’t honestly answer yes to these questions, it might be difficult to maintain a healthy, platonic friendship. It’s important to be realistic about your own limitations and emotional capacity. Don’t force yourself to stay in a friendship that is causing you pain or preventing you from moving on.

**4. Be Honest with Yourself About Your Needs:** What do you need from a friendship? Do you need someone who is always there for you, someone who challenges you to grow, or someone who shares your sense of humor? Be clear about your own needs and expectations, and assess whether the friendship is meeting those needs. It’s okay to outgrow friendships or to realize that a particular friendship is no longer serving you. Your needs and priorities change over time, and it’s important to honor those changes.

**5. Don’t Blame Your Friend:** It’s crucial to remember that your best friend is not responsible for your feelings. They didn’t ask you to have a crush on them, and they’re not obligated to reciprocate your feelings. Avoid blaming them for your pain or making them feel guilty for not feeling the same way. Take responsibility for your own emotions and actions. Focus on your own healing process and avoid projecting your feelings onto your best friend. Recognize that you can’t control their feelings or choices, but you can control how you respond to them.

## Communicating with Your Best Friend (If Necessary)

Whether or not you choose to communicate with your best friend about your feelings is a personal decision. There are pros and cons to both options. If you decide to have a conversation, it’s important to approach it with sensitivity and honesty.

**1. Decide If It’s Necessary to Talk:** Carefully consider whether it’s necessary to have a conversation with your best friend about your feelings. Is it causing you significant distress? Is it affecting your behavior or the dynamic of the friendship? If you’re able to manage your feelings on your own and maintain a healthy friendship, it might be best to avoid the conversation altogether. However, if your feelings are overwhelming or if you feel like you need to be honest with your best friend, a conversation might be necessary. Weigh the potential benefits and risks before making a decision.

**2. Choose the Right Time and Place:** If you decide to talk, choose a time and place where you can both be relaxed and comfortable. Avoid having the conversation when you’re feeling emotional or when you’re likely to be interrupted. Pick a private setting where you can speak openly and honestly without fear of being overheard. Let them know that you want to talk about something important, so they can prepare themselves mentally and emotionally. Avoid bringing up the topic in a casual or flippant manner.

**3. Be Honest and Direct (But Kind):** Express your feelings in a clear and direct manner, but be mindful of their feelings. Avoid blaming or accusing them of anything. Simply state that you’ve developed romantic feelings for them, but that you understand if they don’t reciprocate them. Emphasize that you value the friendship and that you want to preserve it if possible. Use “I” statements to express your feelings, such as “I’ve developed feelings for you” instead of “You’re making me feel this way.” Acknowledge that this might be difficult for them to hear and give them space to process their emotions.

**4. Manage Your Expectations:** Don’t expect your best friend to immediately reciprocate your feelings or to change their behavior. Be prepared for the possibility of rejection or awkwardness. The goal of the conversation is to be honest and open, not to manipulate them into feeling the same way. Remember that they have the right to their own feelings and that their response is not a reflection of your worth. Be realistic about the potential outcomes and be prepared to accept their decision, whatever it may be.

**5. Respect Their Decision:** If your best friend doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, respect their decision and avoid pressuring them. Accept that they don’t feel the same way and that it’s not their fault. Give them space and time to process their emotions. Focus on healing and moving on. It’s important to maintain a healthy boundary and avoid crossing the line into persistence or harassment. Remember that friendship is based on mutual respect and consent. Their feelings are valid and must be respected.

**6. Focus on the Friendship (If Possible):** If you both want to maintain the friendship, focus on rebuilding trust and re-establishing boundaries. Avoid bringing up the topic of your feelings in the future. Focus on shared interests and activities that you both enjoy. Be patient and understanding, and allow the friendship to evolve naturally. It might take time for the awkwardness to fade and for the friendship to return to normal. Be willing to compromise and adapt to the changing dynamics of the relationship. With effort and understanding, it’s possible to preserve the friendship and move forward in a positive way.

## Seeking Support

Getting over a crush can be a challenging and emotional process. Don’t hesitate to seek support from trusted friends, family members, or a therapist.

**1. Talk to Trusted Friends and Family:** Share your feelings with trusted friends and family members. Talking about your emotions can help you process them and gain perspective. They can offer support, advice, and encouragement. Choose people who are supportive and non-judgmental. Avoid sharing your feelings with people who might gossip or make you feel worse. Remember that seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness.

**2. Consider Therapy:** If you’re struggling to cope with your feelings on your own, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor. A therapist can provide a safe and supportive space for you to explore your emotions, develop coping strategies, and gain insight into your patterns of behavior. Therapy can be particularly helpful if you have a history of relationship issues or if you’re experiencing symptoms of anxiety or depression. Look for a therapist who specializes in relationships and attachment issues.

**3. Join a Support Group:** Joining a support group can provide a sense of community and connection. Sharing your experiences with others who are going through similar situations can help you feel less alone and more understood. Look for support groups online or in your local area. Choose a group that is supportive and non-judgmental. Be open to sharing your experiences and listening to others.

**4. Practice Self-Compassion:** Be kind and compassionate towards yourself during this process. It’s okay to feel sad, confused, or frustrated. Don’t beat yourself up for having a crush or for struggling to get over it. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you would offer to a friend. Acknowledge that healing takes time and that it’s okay to have setbacks along the way. Practice self-care and prioritize your emotional well-being.

**5. Remember You Are Not Alone:** Many people experience crushes on their friends. You are not alone in this experience. It’s a common and normal part of human relationships. Don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed about your feelings. Remember that you are worthy of love and happiness, and that you will find someone who appreciates you for who you are. Focus on your own growth and development, and trust that the right person will come into your life at the right time.

## Time is Your Ally

Ultimately, time is one of the most powerful healers. Be patient with yourself and allow yourself the time you need to heal and move on. Don’t rush the process or try to force yourself to feel differently. Trust that your feelings will eventually fade and that you will find peace. In the meantime, focus on taking care of yourself, pursuing your passions, and building meaningful relationships. With time and effort, you can get over your crush on your best friend and move forward with your life in a positive and fulfilling way.

Getting over a crush on your best friend is a journey, not a destination. There will be ups and downs along the way. Be prepared for setbacks and don’t get discouraged if you have moments of longing or doubt. The key is to stay committed to your own healing and to focus on creating a happy and fulfilling life for yourself. Remember that you are strong, resilient, and capable of overcoming any challenge. Believe in yourself and trust that you will find the love and happiness you deserve.