Become a Pastafarian: A Complete Guide to Joining the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Are you feeling lost, disillusioned with traditional religions, or just really, really like pasta? Then perhaps Pastafarianism, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, is the faith for you! Pastafarianism, also known as the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM), is a satirical religion that promotes a lighthearted view of the world and encourages critical thinking. While it’s often used to protest the teaching of intelligent design in public schools, it’s also a genuine (if unconventional) belief system for many. This guide will walk you through the steps of becoming a Pastafarian and embracing the noodly appendage of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

What is Pastafarianism?

Before diving into the steps, let’s understand what Pastafarianism is all about. The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was created in 2005 by Bobby Henderson as a protest against the Kansas State Board of Education’s decision to allow the teaching of intelligent design as an alternative to evolution in public schools. Henderson sent an open letter to the board arguing that his belief in a Flying Spaghetti Monster as the creator of the universe was just as valid as intelligent design.

The core tenets of Pastafarianism are:

* **The Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM):** The omniscient, omnipotent, and invisible creator of the universe.
* **Pirates:** The original Pastafarians and are revered as holy beings. They are often misunderstood and maligned, but they represent peace and freedom.
* **Heaven:** A place with a beer volcano and a stripper factory (or a beer volcano and a male entertainer factory, depending on your preference).
* **Hell:** Similar to Heaven, but with stale beer and strippers/entertainers with STDs.
* **The Eight “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts”:** These are the Pastafarian equivalent of commandments, offering guidance on how to live a good and fulfilling life. They are less strict rules and more gentle suggestions.
* **The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster:** The sacred text of Pastafarianism, filled with humor, satire, and surprisingly insightful commentary on religion and society.

Pastafarianism is more than just a joke. It encourages critical thinking, tolerance, and a healthy dose of skepticism. It challenges dogma and encourages individuals to question authority and form their own beliefs. It also emphasizes the importance of having fun and not taking life too seriously.

Steps to Becoming a Pastafarian

Becoming a Pastafarian is a simple and straightforward process. There are no complex rituals, mandatory donations, or lengthy initiation ceremonies. All you need is an open mind, a sense of humor, and a willingness to embrace the absurdity of it all. Here’s a step-by-step guide:

**Step 1: Acknowledge the Flying Spaghetti Monster**

The first step is simply acknowledging the existence of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to believe in the FSM as a literal deity (although you certainly can!). It just means recognizing the FSM as the central figure of Pastafarianism and accepting the core tenets of the religion. You can acknowledge the FSM in your thoughts, in conversation, or even through prayer (addressed, of course, to the Flying Spaghetti Monster).

**Step 2: Embrace Pirate Attire**

Pirates are revered in Pastafarianism, so embracing pirate attire is a crucial step in becoming a true believer. This doesn’t mean you have to dress like a pirate every day, but incorporating pirate elements into your wardrobe or occasionally dressing up as a pirate can be a fun and meaningful way to express your Pastafarian faith. Consider wearing an eye patch, a bandana, a pirate hat, or even a full pirate costume. Remember, pirates represent freedom and peace, so wear your pirate gear with pride.

**Step 3: Learn the Eight “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts”**

The Eight “I’d Really Rather You Didn’ts” are the Pastafarian equivalent of commandments. They offer guidance on how to live a good and fulfilling life, but they are presented as gentle suggestions rather than strict rules. Familiarize yourself with these guidelines and try to incorporate them into your daily life:

1. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Act Like A Sanctimonious Holy-Than-Thou Jerk When Describing My Noodly Goodness.
2. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Use My Existence As A Way To Oppress, Subjugate, Punish, Eviscerate, And/Or, You Know, Be Mean To Others.
3. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Judge People For The Way They Look, Or How They Dress, Or The Way They Act, Or, Well, Just Be Nice, Okay?
4. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Do Anything That Offends Me Or My Followers On Empty Stomachs.
5. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Fight, Erect, Or Indulge In Anything That Requires The Use Of Lubricant When In The Presence Of Children. Unless You Are A Doctor Or Something.
6. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Build Multimillion-Dollar Synagogues/Churches/Temples/Mosques/Shrines For My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent Feeding The Poor Or Curing Diseases.
7. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Go Around Telling People I Talk To You.
8. I’d Really Rather You Didn’t Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You If, You Are Into, Like, Kinky Stuff, But If The Other Person Is Into It, Then In Terms Of The Whole “Do Unto Others” Thing, Then Really Go For It, Use Protection, And Just BE SURE TO RUB IT IN!

**Step 4: Read the Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster**

The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is the sacred text of Pastafarianism. It’s a humorous and satirical book that explains the history, beliefs, and practices of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Reading the Gospel will give you a deeper understanding of Pastafarianism and its message. It’s available online and in print, so you can choose the format that works best for you. While reading, pay attention to the satire and humor, but also consider the underlying messages about tolerance, critical thinking, and the dangers of dogma.

**Step 5: Spread the Word (If You Want To)**

While there’s no obligation to proselytize, you can choose to spread the word about Pastafarianism if you feel so inclined. This can be done through conversation, social media, or even by wearing Pastafarian merchandise. However, remember the first “I’d Really Rather You Didn’t” and avoid acting like a “sanctimonious holy-than-thou jerk” when sharing your beliefs. The goal is to educate and inform, not to convert or pressure others.

**Step 6: Embrace Pasta**

This one is pretty self-explanatory. As a Pastafarian, you should embrace pasta in all its glorious forms. Eat it, cook it, and celebrate it! Pasta is a symbol of the Flying Spaghetti Monster and a reminder of the joy and abundance in life. Experiment with different pasta dishes, share your creations with friends and family, and never underestimate the power of a good bowl of spaghetti.

**Step 7: Have Fun!**

Pastafarianism is all about having fun and not taking life too seriously. Embrace the absurdity, enjoy the humor, and don’t be afraid to be yourself. Remember that Pastafarianism is a religion that celebrates individuality and encourages critical thinking. There are no strict rules or dogmatic beliefs, so feel free to interpret Pastafarianism in your own way and make it your own.

Advanced Pastafarianism

Once you’ve mastered the basics, you can delve deeper into the world of Pastafarianism with these advanced practices:

* **Participate in Pastafarian Communities:** Connect with other Pastafarians online or in person. There are numerous online forums, social media groups, and even local chapters of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster where you can share your beliefs, discuss Pastafarianism, and connect with like-minded individuals.
* **Create Pastafarian Art:** Express your faith through art. This could include paintings, sculptures, music, writing, or any other creative medium. The possibilities are endless, so let your imagination run wild and create something that celebrates the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
* **Advocate for Secularism:** Support the separation of church and state and advocate for secularism in your community. Pastafarianism is often used to challenge the influence of religion in politics and education, so getting involved in secular activism can be a meaningful way to express your Pastafarian beliefs.
* **Get Ordained:** Get ordained as a minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. This is a simple process that can be done online. As an ordained minister, you can perform weddings, baptisms, and other religious ceremonies (with a Pastafarian twist, of course!).
* **Start a Local Chapter:** If there isn’t a local chapter of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster in your area, consider starting one yourself. This is a great way to connect with other Pastafarians in your community and promote Pastafarianism locally.

Common Misconceptions About Pastafarianism

It’s important to address some common misconceptions about Pastafarianism:

* **It’s just a joke:** While Pastafarianism is certainly humorous and satirical, it’s also a genuine belief system for many people. It’s used to challenge dogma, promote critical thinking, and advocate for secularism.
* **It’s disrespectful to religion:** Pastafarianism is not intended to be disrespectful to religion. It’s a critique of the way religion is often used to justify intolerance and oppression. Pastafarians believe in religious freedom and tolerance for all beliefs.
* **It’s only for atheists:** While many Pastafarians are atheists or agnostics, anyone can be a Pastafarian, regardless of their religious beliefs. Pastafarianism is open to anyone who embraces its core tenets of humor, critical thinking, and tolerance.
* **It’s a cult:** Pastafarianism is not a cult. There are no strict rules, mandatory donations, or brainwashing techniques. Pastafarians are free to interpret the religion in their own way and to leave at any time.

The Benefits of Becoming a Pastafarian

Becoming a Pastafarian can offer numerous benefits:

* **A sense of community:** Connecting with other Pastafarians can provide a sense of belonging and support.
* **A sense of humor:** Pastafarianism encourages a lighthearted view of the world and a healthy dose of humor.
* **Critical thinking skills:** Pastafarianism challenges dogma and encourages individuals to question authority and form their own beliefs.
* **Tolerance and acceptance:** Pastafarianism promotes tolerance for all beliefs and encourages individuals to be accepting of others.
* **A unique perspective:** Pastafarianism offers a unique and unconventional perspective on religion and society.

Conclusion

Becoming a Pastafarian is a journey of self-discovery, humor, and critical thinking. It’s about embracing the absurdity of life, questioning dogma, and celebrating individuality. Whether you’re looking for a new religion, a way to challenge the status quo, or just a good laugh, Pastafarianism may be the perfect fit for you. So, embrace your inner pirate, grab a bowl of pasta, and join the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster! R’amen.