Creating Your Sanctuary: A Guide to Building a Safe Space When You’re Feeling Low

Life throws curveballs, and sometimes, those curveballs leave us feeling vulnerable, overwhelmed, and just plain low. Navigating these periods can be incredibly challenging, but one powerful tool you can cultivate is the ability to create a personal safe space. This isn’t about hiding from the world; it’s about crafting a haven where you can retreat, recharge, and process your emotions in a nurturing environment. Think of it as your personal emotional first-aid kit, always available when you need it most. This article will guide you through the detailed steps of building this sanctuary, tailored to your individual needs and preferences.

Why a Safe Space is Crucial When You’re Feeling Low

Before we dive into the “how,” let’s understand the “why.” A safe space offers numerous benefits during periods of emotional distress:

• Emotional Regulation: It allows you to experience your feelings without judgment or pressure. You can cry, vent, or simply be silent without fear of interruption or criticism. This process, in itself, can be incredibly cathartic and helps in regulating intense emotions.
• Reduced Stress and Anxiety: A designated safe space acts as a mental and physical cue to relax. It provides an escape from overwhelming environments and helps to calm your nervous system.
• Increased Self-Awareness: When you’re in a safe space, you can observe your thoughts and feelings more clearly. This self-reflection promotes deeper understanding and empowers you to identify triggers and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
• Empowerment and Control: Creating a safe space is an act of taking control over your environment and emotional well-being. It’s a tangible way to show yourself that you’re worthy of care and support, especially when you feel vulnerable.
• Enhanced Recovery: By having a designated space where you feel secure, you’re better able to process your feelings and move towards healing and recovery rather than remaining stuck in a state of negativity.

Step-by-Step Guide to Creating Your Safe Space

Creating a safe space is a personal journey, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. However, here are some detailed steps to guide you:

Step 1: Choosing Your Location

The location of your safe space is paramount. It needs to be somewhere that feels physically and emotionally comfortable. Consider these factors:

• Privacy: The space should be private and free from constant interruptions. It could be a spare room, a corner of your bedroom, a walk-in closet, or even a designated spot under a tree in your backyard. The key is to ensure you won’t be disturbed by others frequently. Consider installing a “do not disturb” sign or letting housemates/family know that this area is your safe space.
• Comfort and Safety: It should be a location where you feel physically comfortable and safe. Think about your temperature preferences (is it too hot or too cold?), and whether there is sufficient natural or artificial light. Ensure there are no physical hazards or objects that might cause discomfort or stress.
• Accessibility: Your safe space needs to be easily accessible whenever you need it. You don’t want to have to climb over piles of boxes or navigate through a crowded hallway to get to your sanctuary. Ideally, it should be within close proximity to your usual living area.
• Purpose and Function: Reflect on how you intend to use the safe space. Is it for quiet contemplation, reading, creating, or resting? Let the purpose of the space guide your choice. For example, a quiet corner with good lighting might be perfect for reading, whereas a soft, cushioned area might be better for relaxation.

Specific Location Ideas:

• Bedroom Corner: A corner of your bedroom, with a comfortable chair, cushions, and a blanket.
• Walk-in Closet: Transform a walk-in closet into a small, cozy space with soft lighting and comfortable seating.
• Spare Room: If you have a spare room, you can fully customize it into a designated safe space.
• Bathroom: Sometimes, a quiet bathroom can be a safe space, particularly if it features a bathtub for a relaxing soak. Ensure you have privacy if using this space as a refuge.
• Outdoor Space: A secluded spot in your garden, patio, or balcony.
• A Designated Chair: If space is limited, dedicate a comfortable chair as your go-to spot when you need a break.

Step 2: Creating a Relaxing Atmosphere

Once you’ve chosen your location, the next step is to create an atmosphere that promotes relaxation and tranquility. Focus on engaging your senses:

• Lighting: Opt for soft, warm lighting instead of harsh, bright lights. Consider using dimmable lights, lamps with warm-toned bulbs, or candles (ensure candle safety). Natural light is also fantastic, so if possible, position your space near a window. The goal is to create a gentle, calming glow that won’t overstimulate your senses. Avoid harsh overhead lights that can be visually jarring.
• Sound: Sound is a powerful tool for altering your mood. Introduce calming sounds, such as soft instrumental music, nature sounds (rain, ocean waves, birdsong), or ambient sounds through a playlist, sound machine, or app. You can also use noise-canceling headphones or earplugs to create a barrier from disruptive sounds. If you prefer complete silence, ensure there are no sources of background noise that can interfere with your peace.
• Scent: Aromatherapy can significantly impact mood and relaxation. Use calming scents like lavender, chamomile, vanilla, sandalwood, or citrus essential oils in a diffuser or as a scented candle. Choose scents that personally soothe you. Be mindful of any sensitivities or allergies. If you’re sensitive to strong fragrances, unscented options like beeswax candles might be a good alternative.
• Touch: The texture of objects can significantly impact your feelings. Introduce soft, comforting textures to your safe space. This could include plush blankets, soft cushions, a fuzzy rug, or a smooth, cool stone. Think about what materials feel good against your skin, and add them to the space. Items like soft fabrics, weighted blankets, and stress balls can be very comforting during moments of stress.
• Visual Elements: Add elements that bring you joy and calm. This could include plants, artwork, photographs, books, or inspirational quotes. Ensure there isn’t too much visual clutter. Opt for colours that feel relaxing to you – typically, blues, greens, and soft pastels promote a sense of calm. Avoid anything visually jarring or overwhelming that might contribute to stress.

Step 3: Personalizing Your Space

Your safe space should reflect your unique personality and needs. Make it a place where you feel truly connected to yourself. Consider incorporating the following:

• Comfort Items: Gather objects that bring you comfort and joy. This could be a favorite book, a journal, a special teddy bear, or any item that you find personally comforting. These objects should evoke positive feelings and bring about a sense of safety and grounding.
• Hobbies and Creative Outlets: If you find solace in particular activities, keep supplies for them readily available in your safe space. This might include art supplies, knitting materials, a musical instrument, or writing tools. The aim is to encourage self-expression and help you engage with activities that relax and fulfill you.
• Self-Soothing Tools: Gather items that help you manage difficult emotions. This might include a stress ball, a mindfulness app, a journal for writing your thoughts, or a deck of positive affirmation cards. These tools can help you ground yourself during moments of intense feelings.
• Technology, or Lack Thereof: Determine your relationship with technology in your safe space. Some people find it comforting to have their phone or laptop available for calming apps or music, while others find technology distracting. Ultimately, it’s up to your individual needs. If technology is a distraction, you might choose to keep it out of your safe space completely. Consider investing in a digital detox tool like a timer-locked box to help with that.
• Keep it Clean and Organized: A cluttered space can feel overwhelming. Make sure your safe space is clean, tidy, and organized to promote a sense of calm. Regularly declutter and maintain the space so that it remains a haven.

Step 4: Establishing Ground Rules

To maintain the sanctity of your safe space, it’s important to establish some ground rules for yourself:

• No Judgement Zone: Remind yourself that this is a place where you can express all your feelings without judgement or criticism. Let yourself cry, be angry, or simply feel sad without feeling pressure to be “okay.”
• Scheduled Retreats: If possible, set aside specific times each day or week to spend in your safe space, even if you don’t feel like you need it. This helps integrate the practice of self-care into your routine.
• No Distractions: As much as possible, avoid distractions when you are in your safe space. This might mean turning off your phone or putting up a “do not disturb” sign.
• Use It Proactively: Don’t just wait until you’re in crisis to use your safe space. Visit it regularly to recharge and connect with yourself, even when you’re feeling fine. This helps establish it as a sanctuary and strengthens your capacity to navigate difficult times.
• Honour the Space: If you have created this safe space, it is for you, therefore respect that space as much as it respects you. Ensure the space continues to reflect all the things that are calming, safe, and special for you.

Step 5: Experiment and Adjust

Creating the perfect safe space is not a one-time project. It’s an ongoing process of experimentation and adjustment. Pay attention to how you feel in your space. Does it truly feel relaxing and safe? Don’t be afraid to make changes as you discover what works best for you. This is an evolving space that should adjust to meet your ever-changing needs.

• Observe Your Feelings: While using your safe space, observe your emotional and physical reactions. Does the lighting feel too dim, too bright, or just right? Does the scent of lavender make you feel relaxed or nauseous? These observations will help you customize your space further.
• Adjust to the Seasons: Your safe space might need adjustments according to the season. In winter, you might want to add extra blankets and warmer lighting. In summer, you might want to use lighter fabrics and cooler colours.
• Regular Review: Periodically review your safe space to make sure it still meets your needs and is a place you feel comfortable to retreat to. Ensure items are working effectively and consider adding or subtracting as your needs evolve.
• Reimagine and Renovate: If you feel your space has become stale and no longer provides the sanctuary you once experienced, don’t be afraid to reimagine or renovate it. The safe space should serve your best interests and should always bring you a sense of safety and comfort.

Maintaining Your Safe Space

Once you’ve created your safe space, it’s essential to maintain it as a sanctuary for your well-being. Here are some maintenance tips:

• Regular Cleaning: Keep your space clean and tidy. Dust, vacuum, or wipe down surfaces regularly. A clean space promotes a sense of calm.
• Decluttering: Regularly declutter your safe space. Remove items that no longer bring you joy or serve their purpose. This keeps your safe space free from clutter and enhances your sense of peace.
• Replenish Supplies: If you use certain items regularly (e.g., candles, essential oils, journaling supplies), make sure to replenish them so that they are always available when you need them. Having everything at hand in your sanctuary can be hugely beneficial when you’re feeling low.
• Fresh Air: Air out your safe space to keep it feeling fresh and clean. If possible, open a window from time to time to allow fresh air to circulate.

Using Your Safe Space Effectively

Having a safe space is only the first step. You must also use it effectively. Here are some things you can do while in your safe space:

• Deep Breathing Exercises: Practice deep, calming breaths to soothe your nervous system. Focus on the sensation of your breath entering and leaving your body.
• Meditation or Mindfulness: Engage in meditation or mindfulness practices to quiet your mind and focus on the present moment.
• Journaling: Use your journal to explore your feelings and thoughts without judgment. Writing can be a very therapeutic outlet.
• Creative Expression: Engage in creative activities like drawing, painting, or playing music. These activities can help you process your emotions.
• Reading: Immerse yourself in a book that brings you comfort or inspiration.
• Rest and Relaxation: Take a nap or simply lie down and relax. Allow yourself the time to recharge without any distractions.
• Self-Compassion Practices: Practice self-compassion by offering yourself words of kindness and understanding. Remember that everyone experiences difficult times, and you are not alone.

When To Seek Professional Support

While a safe space can be incredibly beneficial, it’s also important to recognize when professional support is needed. If your feelings of low mood are persistent, overwhelming, or impacting your ability to function, it’s crucial to seek help from a mental health professional. A therapist or counsellor can provide guidance, support, and tools to navigate challenging emotions. If you are having suicidal thoughts, please seek immediate help and reach out to a crisis hotline or emergency services.

Conclusion

Creating a safe space is a profound act of self-care and compassion. It’s an investment in your emotional well-being that will serve you well through the ups and downs of life. Remember, this space is your sanctuary – a place where you can be yourself, process your feelings, and find the strength to face the world with renewed resilience. By following these detailed steps, you can cultivate a powerful tool for managing your emotions and nurturing your inner self. Remember that your safe space is unique to you, so allow it to evolve and adapt to your needs. Nurturing your well-being is a lifelong journey; allow your safe space to be a valuable companion on that path.