Hickey How-To: A Comprehensive (and Responsible) Guide
Disclaimer: This article is for informational and entertainment purposes only. Giving or receiving a hickey should always be consensual and based on mutual desire. Consider the potential consequences before proceeding, as hickeys are visible and may be misinterpreted or cause discomfort to yourself or your partner. We strongly advise open communication and respect for boundaries. This article does not endorse non-consensual acts.
A hickey, also known as a love bite or kiss mark, is a bruise caused by sucking or biting the skin. The suction breaks small blood vessels (capillaries) under the skin’s surface, resulting in a reddish or purplish mark. While some find hickeys desirable as a temporary mark of passion, they can also be embarrassing or unwanted. Therefore, consent and communication are paramount. If you and your partner are interested in exploring this, here’s a comprehensive guide on how to give a hickey, safely and respectfully.
Understanding the Fundamentals of Hickey Giving
Before diving into the technical aspects, it’s essential to understand the core principles that contribute to a successful (and consensual) hickey:
* Consent is Key: This cannot be stressed enough. Never give a hickey without explicit consent from your partner. What one person considers playful, another might find uncomfortable or even offensive. Always ask, and respect the answer. A simple, “Would you like a hickey?” goes a long way.
* Communication is Crucial: Discuss the intensity and location of the hickey beforehand. Some people prefer light marks, while others might be okay with something more noticeable. Similarly, the neck is the most common location, but other areas like the shoulder, chest, or inner thigh are also options. Talk about what feels good and what doesn’t.
* Hygiene Matters: Ensure your mouth is clean before giving a hickey. This reduces the risk of transferring bacteria or infections.
* Pain Management: While some pressure is necessary, a hickey shouldn’t be painful. If your partner expresses discomfort, ease up immediately.
* Respect Boundaries: If your partner asks you to stop at any point, do so without hesitation. Their comfort and well-being should always be your priority.
## Step-by-Step Guide to Giving a Hickey (Consensually!)
Assuming you have enthusiastic consent and have discussed the details with your partner, here’s a detailed guide to the process:
1. Preparation: Setting the Mood and the Stage
* Create a Comfortable Environment: Choose a private and comfortable setting where you and your partner feel relaxed and at ease. Dim lighting, soft music, or a cozy blanket can enhance the experience.
* Engage in Foreplay: Foreplay is essential for building arousal and creating a connection. Kissing, cuddling, and sensual touching will prepare your partner for the hickey.
* Communicate Your Intentions: Even if you’ve already discussed giving a hickey, reiterate your intentions before you begin. For example, you could say, “I’m going to give you a little kiss on your neck now, is that okay?”
2. The Technique: Applying Suction and Pressure
* Choose the Location: Based on your discussion with your partner, select the desired location for the hickey. The neck is the most common area, but shoulders, chest, or inner thighs are also possibilities. The skin should be relatively soft and fleshy.
* Kiss and Lick the Area: Start by gently kissing and licking the area to prepare the skin. This will also increase blood flow and sensitivity.
* Position Your Mouth: Open your mouth slightly and press your lips firmly against the skin. Make sure your lips create a tight seal to ensure proper suction.
* Apply Suction: Gently suck on the skin for 20-30 seconds. The intensity of the suction will determine the darkness of the hickey. Start with light suction and gradually increase it if your partner is comfortable.
* Vary the Pressure: While maintaining suction, you can also apply gentle pressure with your lips or teeth. Avoid biting too hard, as this can be painful and cause a more severe bruise.
* Take Breaks: It’s important to take short breaks to check in with your partner and ensure they’re still comfortable. Ask them if the pressure is okay or if they want you to stop.
* Repeat as Desired: Depending on the desired intensity of the hickey, you can repeat the suction and pressure process several times. Alternate between sucking and gentle biting to create a more varied mark.
3. Post-Hickey Care: After the Passion
* Clean the Area: Gently clean the area with a soft cloth and warm water to remove any saliva.
* Apply a Cold Compress: Applying a cold compress to the area for 10-15 minutes can help reduce swelling and inflammation. This is especially helpful if the hickey is particularly dark or tender.
* Communicate After: Check in with your partner to ensure they’re feeling good. Ask them if they like the result and if there’s anything you can do to make them more comfortable.
## Locations and Considerations
While the neck is the most common location for hickeys, various factors influence the best placement and approach. Here’s a breakdown:
* The Neck: This is the classic location, easily visible (or concealed with clothing). The skin on the neck is delicate, so start with gentle suction. Be mindful of the carotid artery, and avoid applying excessive pressure to this area.
* Shoulders: Shoulders are less sensitive than the neck, allowing for slightly firmer suction. The larger surface area also means you can create a more expansive mark.
* Chest: Hickeys on the chest can be particularly intimate. The skin here is delicate, so use gentle suction and pay close attention to your partner’s feedback.
* Inner Thighs: This location is more discreet and sensual. The skin on the inner thighs is sensitive, so be extra careful and attentive to your partner’s comfort.
* Other Areas: Depending on your and your partner’s preferences, you could explore other areas like the back, arms, or even the buttocks. However, always proceed with caution and prioritize consent and communication.
## The Aftermath: Hickey Healing and Concealment
A hickey is essentially a bruise, and like any bruise, it will change color and fade over time. The healing process typically takes between a few days and two weeks, depending on the severity of the mark. Here’s what you can expect:
* Day 1-2: The hickey will be reddish or purplish in color and may be slightly tender to the touch.
* Day 3-5: The color will start to change to a bluish or blackish hue.
* Day 6-10: The hickey will gradually fade to a greenish or yellowish color.
* Day 11-14: The hickey should be almost completely gone.
Tips to Speed Up Healing:
* Cold Compress: Apply a cold compress for the first 24-48 hours to reduce swelling and inflammation.
* Warm Compress: After 48 hours, switch to a warm compress to increase blood flow and promote healing.
* Arnica Cream: Arnica cream is a natural remedy that can help reduce bruising and inflammation.
* Vitamin K Cream: Vitamin K cream can also help speed up the healing process by promoting blood clotting.
* Massage: Gently massaging the area can help break up the blood clots and improve circulation.
* Stay Hydrated: Drinking plenty of water can help your body heal faster.
How to Conceal a Hickey:
If you need to conceal a hickey for professional or personal reasons, here are a few options:
* Clothing: The easiest way to conceal a hickey is to wear clothing that covers it. Turtlenecks, scarves, and high-collared shirts are all good options.
* Makeup: You can use concealer and foundation to cover the hickey. Choose a concealer that matches your skin tone and apply it to the hickey. Then, blend it in with a foundation that also matches your skin tone. Set the makeup with powder to prevent it from smudging.
* Hair: If the hickey is on your neck, you can try styling your hair to cover it. Wear your hair down and let it fall over your neck.
* Accessories: Necklaces or other accessories can also be used to draw attention away from the hickey.
## Potential Risks and Complications
While hickeys are generally harmless, there are a few potential risks and complications to be aware of:
* Pain and Discomfort: Hickeys can be tender and painful, especially if they are particularly dark or severe.
* Skin Irritation: The suction and pressure can irritate the skin, causing redness, itching, or even a rash.
* Hyperpigmentation: In some cases, hickeys can cause hyperpigmentation, which is a darkening of the skin. This is more common in people with darker skin tones.
* Blood Clots: In very rare cases, hickeys can cause blood clots to form in the veins. This is more likely to occur if you have a pre-existing blood clotting disorder.
* Stroke: There is one extremely rare, documented case of a woman suffering a stroke as a result of a hickey on her neck, due to damage to a major blood vessel. This is highly unlikely, but it’s worth noting.
## Ethical Considerations and Respect
It’s crucial to reiterate the ethical implications and the paramount importance of respect in all intimate interactions, including giving or receiving hickeys:
* Always obtain enthusiastic consent: Consent should be freely given, informed, and ongoing. It’s not enough for someone to simply not say “no.” They must actively and enthusiastically agree to the activity. Consent can be withdrawn at any time.
* Communicate openly and honestly: Discuss your desires, boundaries, and expectations with your partner. Be honest about your comfort level and be willing to listen to theirs.
* Respect boundaries: If your partner says “no” or asks you to stop, respect their wishes immediately. Do not try to pressure or coerce them into doing anything they’re not comfortable with.
* Be mindful of power dynamics: Be aware of any power imbalances in your relationship and ensure that both partners feel safe and comfortable expressing their needs and desires.
* Consider the potential consequences: Think about the potential consequences of giving or receiving a hickey. Will it cause embarrassment or problems at work or school? Are you comfortable with the visibility of the mark?
## When to Seek Medical Attention
While most hickeys are harmless and heal on their own, there are certain situations when you should seek medical attention:
* Severe pain: If the hickey is causing severe pain that doesn’t improve with over-the-counter pain relievers.
* Swelling: If the area around the hickey is significantly swollen.
* Numbness or tingling: If you experience numbness or tingling in the area around the hickey.
* Signs of infection: If you notice signs of infection, such as redness, pus, or fever.
* Difficulty breathing or swallowing: If you experience difficulty breathing or swallowing after receiving a hickey on your neck.
## In Conclusion: Hickey Etiquette and Responsibility
Giving a hickey can be a fun and intimate experience, but it’s essential to approach it with responsibility, respect, and open communication. Always obtain enthusiastic consent, discuss your desires and boundaries, and be mindful of the potential consequences. By following these guidelines, you can ensure that the experience is enjoyable and safe for both you and your partner. Remember, consent and respect are always paramount. A hickey should be a shared experience, not something imposed upon someone. Prioritize your partner’s comfort and well-being above all else.