How to Look Sexy When You’re Big: A Confidence Guide

It’s a myth that sexiness is confined to a specific body type. Confidence, self-love, and knowing how to accentuate your assets are the real keys to feeling and looking sexy, regardless of your size. This guide provides practical steps and advice on embracing your body and radiating confidence.

## Part 1: Cultivating Inner Confidence

Sexiness starts from within. Before we dive into the wardrobe and styling tips, let’s focus on building the inner confidence that will make you truly shine.

**1. Challenge Negative Self-Talk:**

* **Identify the Source:** Where do these negative thoughts come from? Societal pressures, past experiences, or critical voices? Understanding the root can help you dismantle them.
* **Reframe Your Thoughts:** Instead of thinking, “I hate my stomach,” try “My stomach is strong and has carried me through so much.” This is not about ignoring perceived flaws, but about appreciating what your body *does* for you.
* **Practice Affirmations:** Write down positive affirmations about your body and read them aloud daily. Examples:
* “I am beautiful and worthy of love and respect.”
* “I love and accept my body as it is.”
* “I am confident and radiant.”
* “I embrace my curves and celebrate my body’s strength.”
* “I am sexy and desirable.”
* **Gratitude Journal:** Every day, write down three things you’re grateful for about your body. Maybe it’s your strong legs, your soft skin, or the way your eyes sparkle. Focusing on the positive shifts your perspective.

**2. Embrace Self-Care:**

Self-care is not selfish; it’s essential for building confidence and feeling good in your skin.

* **Prioritize Sleep:** Aim for 7-9 hours of quality sleep each night. Sleep deprivation can lead to stress, mood swings, and decreased self-esteem.
* **Nourish Your Body:** Focus on eating a balanced diet of whole, unprocessed foods. Fuel your body with nutrients that support your energy levels and overall well-being. Avoid restrictive diets that promote guilt and shame.
* **Move Your Body:** Find physical activities you enjoy, whether it’s dancing, swimming, yoga, walking, or weightlifting. Exercise releases endorphins, which have mood-boosting effects. Focus on how the movement *feels* rather than on achieving a certain body shape.
* **Pamper Yourself:** Take time for activities that make you feel good. This could be a long bath, a facial, a massage, reading a book, or listening to music. Create a self-care routine that you can consistently stick to.

**3. Surround Yourself with Positivity:**

* **Limit Exposure to Negative Influences:** Unfollow social media accounts that promote unrealistic beauty standards or make you feel insecure. Reduce contact with people who are critical or judgmental.
* **Seek Out Supportive Communities:** Connect with people who celebrate body diversity and promote self-love. Online communities, support groups, and friendships with like-minded individuals can provide encouragement and validation.
* **Curate Your Media Consumption:** Choose books, movies, and TV shows that feature diverse body types and positive portrayals of women. Representation matters!

**4. Practice Mindfulness:**

Mindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment. This can help you become more aware of your thoughts and feelings, allowing you to challenge negative self-talk and cultivate self-compassion.

* **Meditation:** Even a few minutes of daily meditation can make a difference. Focus on your breath and let go of any thoughts that arise without judgment.
* **Body Scan:** Lie down and bring your attention to different parts of your body, noticing any sensations without judgment. This can help you connect with your body and appreciate its capabilities.
* **Mindful Eating:** Pay attention to the taste, texture, and smell of your food. Eat slowly and savor each bite. This can help you develop a healthier relationship with food and your body.

**5. Celebrate Your Strengths and Accomplishments:**

Focus on what you’re good at and what you’ve achieved, rather than dwelling on perceived flaws. Write down your accomplishments, both big and small, and remind yourself of your strengths regularly. This will boost your confidence and remind you of your worth.

## Part 2: Choosing Flattering Clothing

Choosing the right clothing can enhance your confidence and accentuate your best features. Forget about hiding your body; focus on celebrating it!

**1. Understand Your Body Shape:**

Instead of trying to fit into a specific clothing size, learn to understand your body shape and how to dress for it. There are several common body shapes, including:

* **Apple:** Characterized by a larger bust and waist, with slimmer hips and legs. Focus on creating a defined waistline and drawing attention to your legs.
* **Pear:** Characterized by wider hips and thighs, with a smaller bust and waist. Focus on balancing your proportions by adding volume to your upper body and highlighting your waist.
* **Hourglass:** Characterized by a defined waist and balanced bust and hips. Focus on accentuating your waist and highlighting your curves.
* **Rectangle:** Characterized by a straight up-and-down silhouette, with minimal waist definition. Focus on creating curves and adding volume to your bust and hips.
* **Inverted Triangle:** Characterized by broad shoulders and a narrow waist and hips. Focus on balancing your proportions by adding volume to your lower body and minimizing your upper body.

Online resources and style guides can help you determine your body shape and learn how to dress for it.

**2. Embrace the Power of Fit:**

Fit is the most important factor in whether or not clothing looks good on you. Clothing that is too tight or too loose will accentuate your perceived flaws. Aim for clothing that skims your body without clinging or gaping.

* **Avoid Clothes That Are Too Tight:** Tight clothing can create bulges and highlight areas you may be self-conscious about. Choose clothing that allows you to move comfortably.
* **Avoid Clothes That Are Too Loose:** Loose clothing can make you look larger than you are and hide your shape. Choose clothing that has some structure and definition.
* **Invest in Tailoring:** A good tailor can make a world of difference in how your clothes fit. Even minor alterations can make a garment look custom-made for your body.

**3. Fabric Matters:**

The fabric of your clothing can also affect how it looks on you. Choose fabrics that drape well and don’t cling.

* **Good Choices:** Jersey, knit, silk, chiffon, and lightweight denim are all good choices for plus-size figures. These fabrics drape well and don’t add bulk.
* **Fabrics to Avoid:** Stiff fabrics, such as linen and brocade, can add bulk and make you look larger than you are. Avoid fabrics that cling, such as spandex and lycra, unless they are part of a structured garment.

**4. Prints and Patterns:**

Don’t be afraid to wear prints and patterns! They can add personality and interest to your outfits. However, it’s important to choose prints that are flattering.

* **Scale:** Choose prints that are in proportion to your body size. Small prints can get lost on a larger figure, while large prints can be overwhelming. Medium-sized prints are generally the most flattering.
* **Placement:** Consider the placement of the print. Prints that are strategically placed can draw attention to your best features and camouflage areas you may be self-conscious about.
* **Color:** Choose prints that feature colors you love and that complement your skin tone. Darker colors tend to be more slimming, while lighter colors can add volume.

**5. Strategic Use of Color:**

Color can be a powerful tool for creating a flattering silhouette.

* **Monochromatic Outfits:** Wearing one color from head to toe can create a long, lean line. Choose a color that you love and that complements your skin tone.
* **Color Blocking:** Use color blocking to create the illusion of curves or to balance your proportions. For example, wearing a dark top and a light bottom can make your hips look wider.
* **Dark Colors:** Dark colors tend to be more slimming, while lighter colors can add volume. Use this to your advantage by wearing darker colors on areas you want to minimize and lighter colors on areas you want to highlight.

**6. Focus on Your Favorite Features:**

What are your favorite features? Do you have beautiful eyes, a killer smile, or shapely legs? Dress in a way that highlights these features.

* **Show Off Your Décolletage:** V-neck tops and dresses can be very flattering, as they draw attention to your neckline and bust.
* **Highlight Your Waist:** If you have a defined waist, accentuate it with belts, fitted tops, or dresses that cinch at the waist.
* **Show Off Your Legs:** Don’t be afraid to show off your legs with skirts, dresses, or shorts. Choose hemlines that are flattering to your leg shape.
* **Emphasize your arms**: If you have great arms, don’t hide them away. Wear sleeveless tops or dresses that show them off.

**7. Key Pieces for a Sexy Plus-Size Wardrobe:**

Here are some essential pieces that can form the foundation of a sexy and flattering plus-size wardrobe:

* **A well-fitting bra:** A supportive and properly fitted bra is essential for creating a flattering silhouette. Get professionally fitted to ensure you’re wearing the right size and style.
* **Shapewear:** Shapewear can smooth out your curves and create a more streamlined look. Choose shapewear that is comfortable and doesn’t restrict your movement.
* **A little black dress (LBD):** A classic LBD is a wardrobe staple that can be dressed up or down for any occasion. Choose a style that flatters your body shape and makes you feel confident.
* **A great pair of jeans:** Find a pair of jeans that fits you well and flatters your curves. Dark wash jeans are generally the most slimming.
* **A fitted blazer:** A blazer can add structure and definition to any outfit. Choose a blazer that fits you well in the shoulders and bust.
* **A wrap dress:** Wrap dresses are universally flattering, as they cinch at the waist and create a defined silhouette.
* **A pencil skirt:** A pencil skirt can create a long, lean line and highlight your curves. Choose a skirt that fits you well and falls just below the knee.
* **A statement top:** A statement top can add personality and interest to any outfit. Choose a top that features a flattering neckline and a bold print or color.
* **Comfortable and stylish shoes:** Shoes can make or break an outfit. Invest in a few pairs of comfortable and stylish shoes that you can wear for any occasion.

## Part 3: Mastering Makeup and Hair

Makeup and hair can enhance your natural beauty and boost your confidence. The key is to choose looks that flatter your features and make you feel good.

**1. Makeup that Enhances, Not Masks:**

* **Foundation:** Choose a foundation that matches your skin tone and provides a natural-looking finish. Avoid heavy foundations that can look cakey.
* **Concealer:** Use concealer to cover blemishes, dark circles, and other imperfections. Choose a concealer that is one shade lighter than your skin tone.
* **Blush:** Blush can add a healthy glow to your complexion. Choose a blush that complements your skin tone and apply it to the apples of your cheeks.
* **Eyeshadow:** Experiment with different eyeshadow colors and techniques to create a look that enhances your eyes. Neutral colors are always a safe bet, but don’t be afraid to try bolder colors if you’re feeling adventurous.
* **Eyeliner:** Eyeliner can define your eyes and make them look larger. Experiment with different eyeliner styles to find one that you like.
* **Mascara:** Mascara can lengthen and thicken your lashes, making your eyes look more open and awake. Apply several coats of mascara to your upper and lower lashes.
* **Lipstick:** Lipstick can add a pop of color to your face and make you feel more confident. Choose a lipstick color that you love and that complements your skin tone. Red lipstick is a classic choice for a sexy look.

**2. Hairstyles that Flatter Your Face:**

* **Consider Your Face Shape:** Different hairstyles flatter different face shapes. Research hairstyles that are flattering to your face shape.
* **Volume is Key:** Volume can add lift and definition to your hair. Use volumizing products and styling techniques to create volume at the roots.
* **Layers Can Add Movement:** Layers can add movement and dimension to your hair. Talk to your stylist about adding layers that flatter your face shape.
* **Experiment with Different Styles:** Don’t be afraid to experiment with different hairstyles. Try different updos, braids, and ponytails to find looks that you love.
* **Hair Color:** Choose a hair color that complements your skin tone and enhances your features. If you’re unsure, consult with a professional hair colorist.
* **Keep your hair healthy:** Healthy, shiny hair is always more attractive. Use quality shampoo and conditioner and get regular trims.

**3. Don’t Forget the Details:**

* **Groomed Brows:** Well-groomed brows can frame your face and make your eyes look more defined. Shape your brows with tweezers, wax, or threading.
* **Manicured Nails:** Manicured nails can make you feel more polished and put-together. Paint your nails with a color you love or get a professional manicure.
* **Fragrance:** Choose a fragrance that you love and that makes you feel confident. Apply fragrance to your pulse points, such as your wrists and neck.

## Part 4: The Power of Posture and Body Language

How you carry yourself can have a significant impact on how you feel and how others perceive you.

**1. Stand Tall:**

* **Good Posture:** Stand up straight with your shoulders back and your head held high. Good posture exudes confidence and can make you look taller and slimmer.
* **Engage Your Core:** Engage your core muscles to support your spine and improve your posture.
* **Practice Regularly:** Practice good posture throughout the day. Remind yourself to stand up straight whenever you catch yourself slouching.

**2. Make Eye Contact:**

* **Confident Eye Contact:** Make eye contact with people when you speak to them. Eye contact shows that you are confident and engaged.
* **Avoid Staring:** Avoid staring at people, as this can be interpreted as aggressive or intimidating.
* **Smile:** A genuine smile can make you look more approachable and attractive.

**3. Use Open Body Language:**

* **Uncross Your Arms:** Uncross your arms to show that you are open and receptive.
* **Avoid Fidgeting:** Avoid fidgeting, as this can make you look nervous or insecure.
* **Relax Your Shoulders:** Relax your shoulders to avoid looking tense.

**4. Walk with Confidence:**

* **Purposeful Strides:** Walk with purpose and confidence. Avoid shuffling or dragging your feet.
* **Head Up:** Keep your head up and your eyes forward.
* **Swing Your Arms:** Swing your arms naturally as you walk.

**5. Own Your Space:**

* **Take Up Space:** Don’t be afraid to take up space. Stand tall and own your presence.
* **Move with Grace:** Move with grace and fluidity. Avoid being clumsy or awkward.
* **Be Aware of Your Surroundings:** Be aware of your surroundings and move with confidence and awareness.

## Part 5: Embracing Your Sexuality

Sexiness is about embracing your sexuality and feeling comfortable in your own skin.

**1. Know Your Body:**

* **Explore Your Body:** Take time to explore your body and learn what feels good. Masturbation can be a great way to discover your erogenous zones and increase your sexual confidence.
* **Understand Your Sexual Desires:** Understand your sexual desires and communicate them to your partner. Communication is key to a satisfying sexual relationship.
* **Accept Your Body:** Accept your body as it is. Everyone has imperfections. Focus on what you love about your body and celebrate your unique beauty.

**2. Dress for Yourself:**

* **Wear What Makes You Feel Sexy:** Wear clothing that makes you feel sexy and confident. This could be anything from lingerie to a little black dress.
* **Don’t Dress for Others:** Don’t dress to please others. Dress for yourself and wear what makes you feel good.
* **Experiment with Lingerie:** Lingerie can be a great way to boost your confidence and feel more sensual. Experiment with different styles and fabrics to find what you like.

**3. Own Your Sensuality:**

* **Embrace Your Senses:** Embrace your senses and indulge in pleasurable experiences. Light candles, listen to music, take a bath, or enjoy a delicious meal.
* **Be Present in Your Body:** Be present in your body and focus on the sensations you are experiencing. Avoid getting distracted by thoughts or worries.
* **Express Yourself:** Express yourself sexually in a way that feels comfortable and empowering. This could be through words, actions, or both.

**4. Communicate Your Needs:**

* **Talk to Your Partner:** Talk to your partner about your sexual needs and desires. Be open and honest about what you like and don’t like.
* **Set Boundaries:** Set boundaries and be clear about what you are comfortable with. Don’t be afraid to say no if something doesn’t feel right.
* **Respect Your Partner’s Boundaries:** Respect your partner’s boundaries and be mindful of their needs and desires.

**5. Practice Self-Love:**

* **Self-Compassion:** Practice self-compassion and be kind to yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. Learn from your experiences and move on.
* **Positive Self-Talk:** Engage in positive self-talk and remind yourself of your strengths and accomplishments.
* **Forgive Yourself:** Forgive yourself for your perceived flaws and imperfections. You are worthy of love and acceptance just as you are.

## Part 6: Specific Outfit Ideas for Plus-Size Sexiness

Let’s get practical! Here are some specific outfit ideas to inspire your sexy plus-size style:

**1. The Confident Casual Look:**

* **Dark wash skinny jeans:** These jeans hug your curves in all the right places.
* **A fitted black tee or tank:** Simple, but always chic and flattering.
* **A moto jacket:** Adds an edgy and confident vibe. Choose leather or faux leather.
* **Ankle boots or heels:** Depending on the occasion, choose a comfortable but stylish shoe.
* **Statement jewelry:** A bold necklace or earrings to add personality.

**2. The Date Night Diva:**

* **A wrap dress:** Universally flattering and easy to wear. Choose a jewel tone or a classic black.
* **Heels:** Elevate the look and add a touch of glamour.
* **Clutch:** A small bag to carry your essentials.
* **Delicate jewelry:** A simple necklace or bracelet.
* **A bold lip:** Red or berry tones for a classic, sexy look.

**3. The Power Professional:**

* **A pencil skirt and a silk blouse:** A sophisticated and feminine combination.
* **A fitted blazer:** Adds structure and polish.
* **Heels or pointy-toe flats:** Choose a comfortable but stylish shoe.
* **Structured bag:** A classic bag for carrying your work essentials.
* **Minimal jewelry:** Simple earrings or a delicate necklace.

**4. The Weekend Warrior:**

* **A comfortable jumpsuit:** Easy to wear and always stylish. Choose a wide-leg style for a flattering silhouette.
* **Sandals or sneakers:** Depending on the occasion, choose a comfortable and stylish shoe.
* **Crossbody bag:** A practical and stylish bag for carrying your essentials.
* **Sunglasses:** A must-have for sunny days.
* **A hat:** Adds a touch of personality and protects you from the sun.

**5. The Lingerie Look (for at home):**

* **A matching lingerie set:** Choose a set that makes you feel confident and beautiful. Lace, silk, or satin are all great choices.
* **A robe or kimono:** Adds a touch of elegance and sensuality.
* **Heels or slippers:** Depending on your mood, choose a comfortable and stylish shoe.
* **Candles and soft music:** Create a relaxing and romantic atmosphere.

## Conclusion

Looking sexy when you’re big is about so much more than just clothes and makeup. It’s about cultivating inner confidence, embracing self-love, and knowing how to accentuate your best features. By following the tips and advice in this guide, you can feel confident, radiant, and sexy in your own skin, regardless of your size. Remember that true sexiness comes from within. Embrace your body, celebrate your strengths, and own your unique beauty. You are beautiful, you are worthy, and you are sexy!